Vin Scully Says Sabermetrics Is Crap. Debate Settled

First thing’s first. Vin Scully is back for his 66th season calling Dodger baseball. It’s okay if that makes you excited in a “my pants fit tighter” kinda way. I feel the same.

Uncle Vin’s return means we get another season of gems like tonight’s final word on sabermetrics. For those who don’t know, sabermetrics looks at baseball from a purely statistical lens. Essentially, dudes who follow sabermetrics were rooting for the fucking machines in the Matrix trilogy. Actually, by the third film, I was rooting for the machines. ‘Matrix Revolutions’ was a pile of shit. Okay, back on topic.

During the end of his tenure with the Philadelphia Phillies, new Dodgers shortstop Jimmy Rollins was moved from the leadoff spot to 2nd in the batting order. Why? Because the numbers said so.

Uncle Vin doesn’t agree. Why? It doesn’t matter. He’s Vin Scully. He’s right, and sabermetrics is crap. End of debate.

Game. Blouses. Prince’s New Single Sets The Bar For Cover Art

Game.  Blouses.
Game. Blouses.

Move over Abbey Road. There’s a new champion.

Very quietly, Prince tweeted out a link to his new single, “Breakfast Can Wait”. Not so quietly, it may be the best album art in history.

It’s a screen grab of Dave Chappelle dressed as Prince, holding a plate of pancakes. My first reaction is to explain why this is funny, but that would stupid. Either you know it’s funny or it’s time to learn. Take a look at the video below and purify yourself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka.

Incredible Showtime Lakers Wheaties Box. This Will Not Happen Again For A Long Time

Where's Mike Smrek?
Where’s Mike Smrek?

For many Lakers fans this was it.  The pinnacle.  Basketball nirvana.  

The 1987-1988 back-to-back championship teams with a bald Kareem, Magic in his prime, and A.C. Green’s jheri curl dripping all over the hardwood at the Fabulous Forum.

Incredibly, this Wheaties box featuring the greatest basketball team EVER (f*ck you 1996 Bulls) was found sitting on a table in a Vermont bookstore.  I don’t know if this makes Vermont awesome or worthy of a tactical nuke.  Probably both.  The only thing I know about the state is it produces some righteous maple syrup.

However, there’s one thing supremely disturbing about the box.  How the hell did Byron Scott end up with the most expensive real estate, front-and-center?  Three of the all-time greats and they put one of the shittiest coaches in recent memory right in the middle?  Lame.

Regardless, as the current Lakers squad screams toward disaster, please remember the good ‘ole days.  There will not be a Lakers team on a Wheaties box for a long time.

Via Deadspin: http://thestacks.deadspin.com/breakfast-of-champions-showtime-1066297884

Brian Wilson Signs With Dodgers. Celebrate Immediately

This is wonderful news. With Metta World Peace gone from the Lakers, Brian Wilson instantly becomes the most entertaining athlete in Los Angeles.

Can he still pitch? Chances are the guy who saved 48 games for the S.F. Giants in 2010 is long gone. Wilson is coming off Tommy John surgery and hasn’t pitched since the second game of 2012. But he HAS to be better than Carlos Marmol and Brandon League put together.

Anyway, who cares. Got heeem!

Alabama Player Instagrams Pic with Wads of Cash. Nobody Surprised

NFL will be a paycut
NFL will be a paycut

In case you were wondering, the Balls had a wonderful summer break. Filled with volunteer work and social activism. Or sitting on beaches and drinking beer. You decide. Either way, it’s back to work.

I’m glad to see that in my absence, the business of college football is rolling on quite nicely. Once again, we see an example of a student athlete putting in extra time while he works on high achieving academics, and a modest college job.

Take our latest hero, Alabama freshman Dee Liner (above left). Obviously that job at the student union is paying off. Dee posted the above-pic on Instagram to show how well you can do at $10 per hour selling T-shirts in the campus store. Great work Dee.

However, in the football obsessed SEC, people even find time to follow a 19 year-old freshman on Twitter. Now the pic has gone viral, with many questioning how Liner came up with all that cash.

Liner has been defiant, tweeting this shortly AFTER deleting the Instagram pic.

Don’t judge me when u have no clue what I have been through!!!

Fair enough. Obviously young Mr. Liner has been through hell, being forced to hold thousands of dollars in cash for a contrived social media picture.

This is how the sausage of college football is made. It’s ugly.

Yasiel Puig Beats The Giants By Himself

If you’re tired of hearing about Dodgers rookie phenom Yasiel Puig … too bad. He’s one bad Cuban mutha.

Last night, the Dodgers played the hated San Francisco Giants, and Mr. Puig decided he’d had enough of this losing shit. Pretty much all by himself, Puig carried LA to a much needed 3-1 win.

As you watch this video, remember this too: Vin Scully is awesome.