Can’t Turn Away From John Daly

He’s one of the great train wrecks of all time.  He’s also a champion golfer, gambler, alcoholic, and once again, T.V. personality.

John Daly’s new show on The Golf Channel, “Being John Daly”, is like the rest of his life in the spotlight.  I can’t stop watching.  And I know I’m not the only one.  There’s something about Daly’s quest that is mesmerizing.  Like many of us, he’s just trying to get by.  Just trying to find something that works, and not fall apart.

The show chronicles his 2010 PGA season, which is probably his last attempt to resurrect his career.  He says he’s ready.  With the help of a lap band surgery, Daly has shed almost 100 pounds.  He says this year his committment to golf is 100%.   He’s got a new body, a new girlfriend, and a new outlook.   The problem is, it looks as if he’s got the same golf game he’s had for the last 15 years.

John hasn’t been a member of the PGA Tour in years.  He’s playing solely on the grace of sponsors exemptions.  And he’ll continue to get them, because people love him.  People love him when he wins, but love him even more when he doesn’t.  Daly has played in four events so far this year.  He’s made the cut only once, at the little regarded Mayakoba Golf Classic in Cancun Mexico.  The world’s top players weren’t even there, and the best he could muster is a tie for 67th after a miserable final round 81.

But it doesn’t matter.  I’ll still root for John Daly.  In a world that increasingly worships a misguided pursuit of perfection, we have to hope he can make it.  Warts and all.

At the conclusion of the show’s first episode, a friend asks him, “John you gave up drinking and gambling, what’s left?”  Without missing a beat, Daly replies, “Smoking and sex.”  Let’s hope that’s all he has to deal with.

What's left? Smoking and sex.

Roy Ashburn: The anti-gay … gay?

Who loves Babs? I do!

Sacramento – This is the story of a man.  A man who’s taken a stand as an elected official.  A man with stout conservative morals, and gosh darn Tea Party values.  And probably a hell of a shoe collection.

Our hero is Roy Ashburn.  The 55-year old is a conservative California state senator from the fine town of Bakersfield.  Unfortunately our protagonist has run afoul of the law.  On Wednesday morning, Ashburn was arrested on suspicion of DUI.  Police reports show his blood alcohol level was .14, well above the legal limit.   Definitely not a first for a politician.  But the story doesn’t end here.  In the following days, we’ve discovered that Ashburn got sloshed in the most unexpected of places.  Not at the country club as you might expect from a crusty old white guy.  But at Sacramento night club Faces.  Faces is a largely gay (and probably fabulous) hot spot in our state’s capital.  Now here’s where it get’s dicey for Roy.

Serving the state senate since 1996, Ashburn has compiled one of the strongest anti-gay records in the legislature.  He’s consistently voted against gay marriage rights,  and other bills involving gay, bisexual, and transgender issues.  I guess irony is Ashburn has the freedom to vote however he wants.  Even if it limits the rights of his own voting bloc.

This reportedly is not an isolated incident.  The openly gay mayor of West Sacramento Christopher Cabaldon, says he’s often seen Roy out tripping the light super fantastic all over the gay scene.  Cabaldon said he’s also seen our GOP stalwart at the Badlands* and The Depot, two more openly gay clubs.

Roy did not report to the state capitol for work since Tuesday, and now is taking a leave of absence.

So what are we to make of all this?   It’s easy to call Roy a liar, a hypocrite, and a fraud.  And I just did.  But the sad truth is that Ashburn is probably a very conflicted man with a decade’s worth of therapy ahead of him. He’s betrayed not only the his right-wing constituency, but his left-wing brothers in fashion, good looks, and keen senses of quality window treatments.  Roy is probably at this very moment, sitting in his home, listening to a Cher album, wondering how his life became unraveled.  When you lie for a living, karma will hunt you down.

*Ed. note: a gay club named the Badlands kinda scares me.  I’m imagining a harsh, super tough, kinda Mad Max wasteland of leather and bad intention.

Tiger Woods Cheats Again. This Time On His Caddy

Not her! You'll have to go to the clinic.

Poor Steve Williams.  Tiger’s club bitch is upset that his boss kept him in the dark about all the Perkins waitress, porn stars, hostesses, and hookers he was banging.  Boo hoo.

Williams, a noted bully and complete douche bag, told a a New Zealand T.V. station, ” I’m a straight-up sort of person.  If I had known something was going on, the whistle would have been blown.”  Such betrayal!  Williams’ wife went on to claim that the couple are close with the soon-to-be-split Woods family, and there’s no way that Steve could have known, ” The four of us are so close,” she said. “He couldn’t know and not say something to Elin or myself.”  Sure honey, you keep believing that.  And all those creationists are right too.  The dinosaurs lived right alongside man ten thousand years ago.

I’ll give Williams credit.  He isn’t stupid.  Just by conservative estimates, Stevie makes upwards of a million dollars a year just on Tiger’s tournament winnings.  That doesn’t even crack the ice on the bonuses and endorsements he must earn. Tiger is the gravy train, and you don’t bite the hand that feeds.  So Stevie plays dumb about all the whores, Tiger comes back, and the money keeps on flowing.

Tiger will go back to catting around, and Stevie will still bully and yell at the very fans paying his salary.  And continue to get the teeth whitening he and Tiger seem to love.

Sarah Palin Pitches Show About Alaska. I Want To Pitch Her Into A Ditch

For a regular gal, good ole Sarah seems to have really taken to the world of those “Hollywood elites” she always talking about.   She’s making the rounds in L.A., peddling a reality show about her beloved home state of Alaska.  You know, the same state she quit on to get out of the public light … so she could plaster her face all over Fox News and sell books.

What exactly would a show about Alaska be about?  Gun toting nut jobs like her?  A 24-web cam of the Alaskan pipeline?  Following killer whale pods as they hunt down Sea World trainers?  That one may have been too soon.

Her partner in this proposed ratings buster is the man responsible for Survivor, Mark Burnett.  So here’s my suggestion. We have a show where Palin is dropped on a deserted island … and that’s it.  I call that a happy ending.

Please. Make her go away.