Are you not entertained?
There’s something very weird about the claiming races they call the NFL Combine. This weekend before the U.S. and America’s Hat faced off in the gold medal game, I found myself stuck to the T.V., watching college kids run, jump, shuttle (still not sure what that is), and preen for a bunch of grown men they hope will be their bosses. Otherwise known as NFL coaches.
Of course, noted pro-life activist Tim Tebow was the big attraction, and as suspected, he’s a physical specimen. Just ask the girls sitting next to me. According to people in the know, Tebow awestruck the scouts with an amazing broad jump, vertical leap, and a solid 40-yard dash time. I don’t really know how any of this will help him throw passes in the NFL, but it means something to somebody.
Along the way several running backs wowed with awesome 40 times, and generally looked like Greek gods in spandex outfits that immediately made me feel embarrassed to be a man. I guess I need to hit the gym more often.
Aside from the plethora of ripped physiques, what struck me was the ridiculousness of the wholes stupid process. I recall the quote of great Houston Oiler coach Bum Phillips who was asked if he was worried that his Hall of Fame running back Earl Campbell couldn’t finish a mile run in training camp. Bum said, “When it’s first and a mile, I won’t give it to him.” And that’s the point. A mile run has nothing to do with football. And neither does the friggin NFL combine.
Take the 40-yard dash. I’m not sure how many football games I’ve watched. Hundreds? Thousands? Not important. I do know one thing. I’ve never seen a game where a tailback with no pads, helmet, or ball — sprint straight ahead in a field with no defenders. Maybe I’ve been drunker than I thought, but it just doesn’t ring a bell. Nor have I ever seen a wide receiver run a” shuttle” during a game. Or an offensive linemen have to get on a bench and press 225 pounds 36 times to keep his quarterback from getting killed.
Dan Marino couldn’t run. Drew Brees is too tiny. Emmitt Smith too slow. Joe Montana wouldn’t even get drafted in the current NFL system. Too short, too weak, and can’t throw the ball far enough. Whoops. Remember, this current NFL talent evaluation system has brought us top draft picks like JaMarcus Russel and Alex Smith, while Tom Brady was a 6th round selection.
And here’s the other dirty little secret about the NFL combine. It’s kinda creepy. There’s a scene in the movie Gladiator where the late Oliver Reed is deciding which slaves to buy for his “stock”. He manhandles them, checks their teeth, and generally treats his soon-to-be property like livestock. That’s what the combine is like. It really brings the disposable nature of NFL football players into focus. Every pro-football hopeful that makes it from this class means another veteran that is not going to make it off the Coliseum floor. Fed to the lions and cut off the team. Watch the combine and tell me an NFL player doesn’t deserve the money he gets. Because no matter how good, every player on every team is waiting to be released some day.
Just ask LaDainian Tomlinson.
Tebow is a d-bag.